Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Hero

I was sitting on a rock, music banging into my ear. Nicole was trying to figure out how to find the road inside the snowing, cold mountain.
‘This sucks,’ I thought. How did I end up being stuck in the middle of a snowing mountain with that genius? If our parents weren’t so obsessed with the idea of us being together, I would be at downtown with my friends now.

Nicole was the hero of our neighborhood. She won the grand prize for the national competition of science when she was in middle school (I won the second place), and she pretty much solved most of the town’s problem. She figured out how to fix the water tank when it broke without no reason (I tried, but all my hypothesis turned out to be false); she helped Ms.Gerald writing the law suit against her ex-husband (I tried, but the cases I found were outdated); she was the captain of the school’s cheer leading crew and he tennis team (I was the co-captain). We won the national last year. Worst of all, she was my father’s best friend’s only daughter. We grew together – we went to same school, did same after-school activities. My parents were always proud that I had a friend like her – they were proud that I was having the opportunity to be with her! When the reporting card comes, they didn’t give much thought about what I did – they would immediately go on to ask about Nicole. I would answer, giving meaningless effort to minimize her achievement. Dad would beam with pride; Mom would sulk at both dad and me.
“She’s not your daughter, Paul.”
She’d say, and then the usual argument between ‘Mike-is-more-than-a-brother’ and ‘What-about-Heather’ would begin, ending with the usual conclusion that “Heather-is-an-ordinary-girl.”

So it’s pretty much explainable that I didn’t talk to her that much except this annual event of hiking with Uncle Mike’s family. It was OK until now, except that Nicole and I rarely talked. Until this year. Somehow we were lost; somehow it started to snow too early than usual, and Nicole and I was stuck in the middle of snowing valley.

“Well, the Wonder Woman still isn’t done with furnishing her cape, I suppose?”
I snickered, tired of waiting. It was getting dark, and I couldn’t understand that the born-genius was still struggling with such a simple task. To my surprised, she jumped at me.
“What have you been doing, Heather? Sitting there all the time, and now you are ordering me around!”
I sprang up.
“What the..? Now the Super Girl has gone mad?”
“Don’t call me that! You always call me that!”
“Well you are! You are to my dad, at least! If you are complaining about getting the admiration of the whole nation, you can stop whining and get us outta here!”
“Ha, I’ve always realized that you try to act smart in front of your dad – doesn’t suit you very well, Heather.”
Then I jumped at her. We rolled down the road, and when Heather got up, she stumbled back, and before I was able to call her name, she disappeared – she fell under the stiff. It wasn’t high, so she didn’t break her leg, but it was clear that she couldn’t walk.
“Nicole!” I yelled. I stretched my arm to reach her, but it was too far. I looked around  - not many people pass by here, but there might be a chance. I ran until I found a group of hikers at the very far side of the valley. I yelled for help, but people wouldn’t listen. They were gone. Nicole was moaning, saying something about a rope.
“I will get one, Nicole. I will be back.” I yelled, and I ran – I didn’t know where to find the rope, and the snow was getting deeper, but I had to try. Then I saw it. A rope tied around a tree to make a sign for hikers. I tried to pull the rope out of the sign, but it was too tight. I took off my gloves, and kicked the sign as hard as I could while pulling the rope. It popped out of the ground, and I fell back. I stumbled, ran, and almost rolled down to Nicole.
I throw the rope to her, and started to pull her up. Pulling up an 18 year old girl by myself was not an easy task, especially after my hand was frozen. I could feel my skin being ripped out, and as I started to see Nicole’s face, the face of my father started to float through the air, with his laughter at the pride of Nicole. The unsatisfied sigh of mother, the moments when she was always over me, in the spotlight. I felt I was losing it, and without knowing it, had let the rope go.
Nicole yelled, and then I realized what I did and pulled her up again, blood dripping from my hands. I yelled and cried both to erase the hallucinations and to erase the pain.
I finally got her up. Sweating all over, I dropped myself to the ground. Nicole took a look at my hands, which had scratches all over from pulling the rope with bared hands. She frowned. I could see tears rolling from her eyes, perhaps out of relaxation or sudden realization of pain. Then she whispered.
“I thought you’d never come.”
I chuckled. Both of our voices were cracked.
“Hey, It’s hell living without a hero, Super Girl.”
“..But you are one, Heather. You are the only one.”

1 comment:

  1. Nice morality tale, Eunyoung. I enjoyed this read and you kept me guessing. Good pacing and development with attention to just enough snowy detail. You quickly and effectively create a situation and move quickly to develop the conflict.

    Three things I like:

    1. The scenario. Jealousy and rivalry - a relationship hanging by a thread literally - in this case a rope.

    2. You weave in the backstory effectively and it doesn't disrupt the situation with too much detail and recollection of why the Heather hates Nichole.

    3. Nice theme. The "hero" line works and it placed effectively.

    Three things to improve:

    1. After reading, I think you could restructure the plot and cut out some of the scuffle that results in Nichole going over the cliff. I think the opening image could be the one you finish with near the end: the girls facing each other as Heather hauls Nichole to safety. To rescue her or get rid of her - that is the question. This is the question the reader will gauge until the end of the account when Heather makes her choice. I'm sure if Sung Hyun had written it, Nichole would be sliding down the mountain. It's an interesting moment - so I think it would be more interesting to start it and maintain it for the entire story - cutting out the scuffle/sitting on the rock stuff. They stare into eachother's eyes, and then we enter into Heather's flashback - her memories of Nichole and her hatred rising to the surface. Bookend the story with Nichole hanging over the cliff.

    2. I think you could find more interesting conflicts between these girls. Be more adventurous. Maybe Nichole stole a boy from Heather, or did something cruel. Maybe the reader should almost hope that Heather let's her go.

    3. Maybe you wrote this in a rush and didn't pay as much attention to grammar as you could have. You wrote "stiff" instead of "cliff." Try to pay attention to little errors.

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